This is already looking to be the very best Christmas ever!
The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows.
Hi. I’m Sara!
I hate this. I hate you. I hate that I met you. I hate that I kissed you. I hate that I fell for you. I hate that I miss you. And I hate myself for hating you.
Random piece of information about myself: when I can’t get comfortable in bed at night, I flip around and sleep underneath my covers. Head where me feet goes and feet where my head should be. THEN I can finally sleep throughout the night comfortably.
There’s something about deleting old conversations with someone who you once cared for. It’s like deleting them from your life. Erasing all those memories you once shared, the love you once had. The happiness you once knew. And it’s painful to just press a single button and then it’s all gone. Just like that, it’s done and not coming back. All you can do is to try and remember those thoughts, feelings, words. But that too brings pain.
He once told me about his love for lyrics. How the words spoke to him like poetry.
I would often wonder about his playlist and the ghosts who lived there. The faces he saw and the voices he heard. The soundtrack to a thousand tragic endings, real or imagined.
The first time I saw him, I noticed how haunted his eyes were. And I was drawn to him, in the way a melody draws a crowd to the dance floor. Pulled by invisible strings.
Now I wonder if I am one of those ghosts - if I am somewhere, drifting between those notes. I hope I am. I hope whenever my song plays, I am there, whispering in his ear.
Windows phone has a tumblr app! :D
*I haven’t written anything for a while! I used to write something everday about anything. I used to consider myself a great writer and have even planned on writing a biography. But as we know it, life tends to throw a lot to us at once. I am now a 21 year old single mother, and I love it! (Not the single part though). I really wish things could have worked out with my son’s father and I, but we just didn’t have that “spark”. We love each other, but we just did not work well together in a relationship. I couldn’t be thankful enough for him though. He is such an AMAZING father to our beautiful boy, so why should I complain? We have both moved on, entered different relationships with other people, but I am still completely drawn to him. Maybe because of the life we created, or just because I still might love him? I can’t find out why.
*About a year ago, another man had walked into my life. And let me tell you about him, he was absolutely the man I had dreamed of meeting. I had always been scared that at my age, no one would want to take the responsibility of dating someone with a child, but alas! He did not mind at all! In fact, he loved my son and that just made me adore this man even more! We had so much in common and had never connected so well with another person as we connected with each other. You know the saying, “Don’t go looking for love, it will come looking for you.” Well that’s exactly what had happened to me. I was a newly single woman with no intentions of looking for a relationship with someone Until the night I met Curtis. I was hesitant at first, but then I actually got to know how loving and caring this man was. We pursued each other, and boy did I fall!! I have never been treated the way he had treated me. He made me feel loved, and well, just like a princess. (so cliche, I know). But that’s how I truly felt. I had finally found my prince…. Or so I thought. Like any relationship, we’ve had our up’s and down’s. But I found some things out that I really wish I hadn’t. I would have rather been lied too than to know the truth. Is that bad? I was happy with my life and him in it. (My son included). He loved spending time with my son and I. And I equally loved seeing him have fun playing with my dear child. So why would I want to know the truth? When I had confronted him about what I knew, we got into an argument (which really was rare that we did), and then he broke up with me. I played the whole scenario in my head over and over again, and none of it made any sense. It was as if he was waiting for a reason to jump up and leave. But how can someone string a person along for a year and make them believe that everything was fine? Not only did I get attached, but my son did as well. And that’s what kills me the most. I never wanted to introduce multiple men into my son’s life. I want the best for him, and that’s not it.
*When I was with him, I felt nothing towards anyone else. Not even my son’s father. I love him yes, but because he is the father to my son. I will always care for him and respect him. But I was a totally different and happier person when I was with Curtis. I was absolutely CRAZY for him and I think everyone knew that. What is there to do though? Absolutely nothing but time. I don’t know if I will ever hear back from him or even get an explanation from him. But it’s all been said and done.
*Hi, my name is Sara Aurora Moreno and I am a Monophobic. I hate the feeling of being alone. Yes, I do have my son, and yes! I am absolutely happy with that! But you know what I mean. I am not clingy and/or needy, I just want someone to encourage me in everything I do, and keep me company. I don’t have to see you everyday, as long as I know that you’re mine, and only mine. I put my whole into a relationship and just like the same in return. But as of now, I just have to keep my head up.
*I absolutely adore my son Bradley! I love being a young mother! I would not change this for the world. He is what has me breathing day in and day out. My little funny guy. It’s amazing how time flies, but it flies even faster when you are raising a child. He is the reason I smile, and I never want him to see a frown or a tear on my cheek again! He deserves to see his mommy happy, and that is what I promise to be for him.
Today, my little baby turned into my little boy. I had FINALLY given him his first haircut. From his precious curly locks, to an adorable fohawk. My goodness how time flies when you are raising a child of your own!
I couldn’t be any happier with my life as a single mother. I’m in love with my son and couldn’t ask for anything more.
Really, I’m not.
"The best thing a girl can be in this world we live in, is a fool. A beautiful little fool."
I can’t help, falling in love with you.